Why Couldn't I Just Say No?
by peddlergirl
Summary: I was so tired of running - trying to run from fate had led me here. Huddled in an alley, hiding in the shadows during the darkest part of the night, rain pouring down. Praying he would make a mistake but knowing I had never been that lucky.
1. Running

I was so tired of running – trying to run from fate had led me here. Huddled in an alley, hiding in the shadows during the darkest part of the night, rain pouring down. Praying he would make a mistake but knowing I had never been that lucky.

A car door slammed shut at the entrance of the alleyway and his voice rose loudly over the pounding rain. The forced lightheartedness that did nothing to hide the cutting edge of his tone. "Come on out now… I know you're there. You're not going to like what happens if I have to come in after you..."

Hell, did I know. Currently three broken fingers and a busted rib were acquainting me well with the repercussions.

"Arissa …" His sing song call made me cringe. I hated how he made me loathe my own name. "Come out, come out, where ever you are..." His tone shifted, his impatience shattering the thin veneer of nonchalance. " _Now_ , Arissa."

 _Shit_. To my horror, I felt my strength to fight fade as I straightened from my huddle. My body betrayed me as I reluctantly took one step toward him, my breath starting to come in high and tight. All I could see was his shadow against the dim illumination of the streetlights but I could feel his smug satisfaction growing as my feet carried me steadily toward him.

"That's a girl. That's my sweetheart. Come to Vaughn." That innocent pet name that could sound so playful and caring had always been a slur from his lips. He shortened the syllables to sharp, cutting pops of sound that raked across my nerves.

God, I hated him. I fucking _hated_ him with every fiber of my being but I couldn't stop following his demands. Not a single inch of my body was reacting to my instincts, I couldn't even force my mouth open to spew my defiance. I approached the end of the alley, self-loathing competing with my hatred as I moved closer and closer to the monster that haunted my dreams and waking life alike. His sharp features started to become distinguishable in the darkness and his bulky form grew more menacing as I moved into his looming shadow.

"I'm not happy with you, not even a little bit." He scolded venomously, reaching out and grabbing my hair, using the ponytail to draw me in close. His dark eyes glared down at me furiously. "You're my girlfriend. You're _supposed_ to be there for me. I woke up and you were nowhere to be found, Arissa. I didn't like that." His grip tightened, drawing my neck into a painful arch and a whimper escaped my throat. "You're supposed to be where I want you, when I want you, and however I decide I want you, is that clear?"

Fear overrode the hatred but not by much. I managed a tiny nod within his grip and a malicious smile crossed his face.

"Now that we have that clear, you have to deal with the repercussions of failing to meet my expectations." His grip changed and my neck popped against the new pressure. "Where do you want them?"

Damn the bastard to hell. Him and his fucking mind games.

"I said …" His hand twisted, shifting pressure until my back arched uncomfortably, rain spitting down on my face, " _where_? You know the rules. If I'm in a good mood, I let you choose. Make me ask you again and I'll put them wherever I like. You push me hard enough and you'll get them all over." His glare sharpened. " _Answer me._ "

"Ribs," I gritted out, instantly regretting it. One busted rib was wreaking havoc on me, I could only imagine – but why spread the pain? If I kept it centered, maybe I would be able to hold it together –

The sharp edge of his anger shifted at my response. His thin lips curved into a smile and I could see the sick pleasure growing in his eyes. "There's my pretty girl. Good choice. Because I like that answer, I'll only give you eight instead of the usual ten." His other hand came up and cradled my face softly, pulling my mouth to his for a tender kiss. My body betrayed me again as I responded to his lips and touch automatically. He released my chin only to slap my face roughly. "I don't want to hear any noise from you. You break the rules again, you deal with the consequences."

I didn't have enough time to take a breath before the first punch hit my broken rib. The second landed in the exact same spot and I heard something shift, a crack or a snap, I wasn't sure. I just knew that white light filled my head and a hot pain filled my chest. Third and fourth he spread a bit, one hitting high and the other low enough to glance off my hip bone, throwing me back into his grasp. "Steady, now. I know you can do better than that." The harsh tang of blood filled my mouth and I did my best to hold still. _It's almost over, it's almost over…_

The next impact slammed full force into my busted rib and in horror I felt myself buckle, wrap around the pain and a horrible snarl of pain escaped me. _No, oh no, oh no—_

"What the fuck's going on?!" A growling masculine voice shouted from farther down the street. Great, just what I needed. A concerned do-gooder that was just going to rile Vaughn up more.

"I'm disappointed in you, sweetheart." Dissatisfaction dripped from Vaughn's low words, doing nothing to disguise the underlying threat. "You have one chance to make it up to me before you start adding consequences. Convince this bastard you're fine. Make him go away."

I gurgled, struggling to get my feet back beneath me.

"Arissa, tell him you're fine. _Now._ "

"I'm fine!" I managed to gasp out, throwing an arm out to keep the stranger away. "Please, everything is fine here - just go away!"

"Like hell! That bastard is hurting you—"

Vaughn growled, his meaty fist tightening in my hair.

"Please, sir, it's fine. I – I—"

Vaughn leaned closer, hissing in my ear, "Tell him you deserved it. Tell him _why_."

I lifted my chin, making sure my voice would carry. "It's fine, I … deserved it." The words tasted like acid in my mouth but I couldn't stop them from pouring out. Self-loathing drowned me but still I couldn't stop following his orders. "I—I disobeyed him. It's not his fault, I left the apartment without permission."

The stranger growled, making steady progress toward us and I could feel the tension growing in Vaughn.

"Please, just go away," I pleaded, only one thought still circling in my mind. _Three more to go, three more to go, three more to go…_

"Let her go, man," the stranger warned, his steady gait bringing him closer to the light, his short-cropped brown hair and green eyes coming into view.

Vaughn dropped his free hand to my ribs, digging his fingers in and forcing a shrill cry of agony from behind my gritted teeth. "Convince him," he hissed in my ear.

Suddenly the stranger brought up a gun and pointed it directly at Vaughn's face. "I said let her go."

Vaughn snarled, spinning me around as his shield. "What I do with her is none of your business, asshole. Move along."

"Look, you son of a bitch - the girl is coming with me. I'll give you one last chance to keep breathing. Let her fucking go." The stranger's voice hardened.

"She's _mine_ ," Vaughn snapped. "I'm the only family she has, you want to take her away from that? She's a fucking handful, trust me, you don't want her. She isn't worth it." His fingers dug in again angrily and I stopped breathing altogether, white filling my vision as pain eclipsed everything.

The crack of a gunshot, the bullet whizzing past my ear and hitting the center of Vaughn's head was the single most beautiful thing I had ever heard. The stranger pulled me free of Vaughn's clutching grip as he fell backwards, crashing into the wet pavement heavily. The choking hold of obedience that tied me to that bastard for so long suddenly vanished, the abrupt freedom opening the floodgates of hatred burning in my chest. Horror and anger raced through my veins and I turned on Vaughn's body in a rage, suddenly fighting my rescuer's grasp in an effort to reach the corpse. " _Damn you_! You took everything from me, you bastard! _Everything_! That bullet was too fucking quick – you should've suffered like you made me suffer! I hope you rot in fucking hell, you sick fuck!"

"Easy there, tiger, easy!" The stranger's arms tightened around me. "He's gone. He's dead. He'll never hurt you again."

"He—he _made_ me do things … I couldn't … why couldn't I just say _no_?!" I fought mindlessly against the stranger's protective hold, unable to tear my gaze from Vaughn's glassy eyes that rolled back in his head and his gaping mouth. It took several racing heartbeats for it to fully sink in that the stranger had finally ended Vaughn's reign of terror.

"Calm down, it's okay. Everything is going to be all right. Come on, tiger, let's get you out of this rain. My name is Dean Winchester and you're safe now."


	2. First Taste

The man took off his leather jacket and tossed it around my shoulders as the rain continued to pour down. "Look, why don't you just wait here while I go get my car—"

My mind was spinning. That bastard was dead. He was really dead. The choking weight of his orders accumulating day after day was gone, as if they had been completely erased from existence. Shock and disbelief rose up inside me in equal measure as I felt the raindrops dripping down my face, mixing with the blood that had splattered against my skin.

"Hey—you with me?" The stranger went to touch my chin and I stumbled back. The concern in his eyes deepened as I struggled to stay on my feet, barely cognizant of the pain thudding through my body.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped, pulling his coat closer around me, relieved for the scant layer of protection that it provided.

The man backed up a step and held up his hands. "Easy, I'm just trying to help—"

"I don't want your help!" I staggered backwards deeper into the alley, scrambling to think. I had no idea where I was, nowhere to go, and I needed to get as far away from people as possible. "I just need to get out of here—"

He held his hands out to his sides unassumingly, the rain splattered off his angled features. He was over six feet tall and muscular. No matter what he tried to do, he wasn't going to manage nonthreatening. Besides, all he had to do was figure out my … situation … and I would lose the precious freedom that had just come back to me. He frowned as I continued stumbling away from him. "Look, we need to get you to a hospital. I think I heard something break when—"

"No hospitals," I grunted.

"But your ribs—"

"No. Hospitals." My gaze shot back to Vaughn's still body being pounded by the rain. Blood darkened the puddles and spread around the corpse. "I've got to get out of here, I need to _go—_ "

"What's your name? At least tell me that."

The back of my neck prickled apprehensively but he had softened the edge of his tone to a request, not a command. I was still safe but not for much longer. I had to get out of here before he figured out the power he held. "Look, you don't owe me anything. You—you took care of a problem for me and that's it. Go back to the bar, go home – I don't give a shit. Just leave me alone."

" _Tell me your name_."

Damn it. Direct command. I couldn't even hesitate. "Arissa Grace McCallister."

Dean tilted his head at me, eyes narrowing at my sudden acquiescence. "Okay, Arissa. Here's what we're going to do. You need medical attention—"

"No! You're not _listening_ —"

Dean crossed his arms, starting to glare at me through the pouring rain. "Let's cut the bullshit. You're in no shape to be on your own right now. My motel is just down the street and my brother is an EMT. If he checks you over and says you're okay, then you're free to go. If not, I _am_ taking you to a hospital. But for now, you're coming with me."

Son of a fucking bitch. My mouth stayed stubbornly closed against the furious denials and anger that welled up inside me as I jerked to a halt. Involuntarily, I turned around and started walking toward him.

His eyebrows flew up in surprise.

Silently, I kept walking past him and made a right, heading back the direction he had come from as my steps splashed loudly in the puddles. I didn't question it anymore, how the curse knew where to send me. No matter the order, no matter the phrasing of the command, if someone told me to do something I was forced to do obey. Or die trying. Vaughn had played often enough with the limits of what he could force me to do that I knew without a doubt there were no loopholes, no counter-curses, no hope of ever breaking the spell. And now Dean Winchester had his first taste of my obedience. I had been told it was particularly addicting.

 _Vaughn sat across from me in the living room, staring at me in fascination, his fingers steepled beneath his square chin._ _We had been sitting like this for the past hour, since his … friend … had gathered up the items and left. The realization that his obsession with me had reached new levels had come entirely too late and now the calculation in his dark eyes made my skin crawl. My hands curled into fists as the drug continued to wear off. He had never let me go this long between doses and I hated the sick coil of want that was beginning to build in my gut. Vaughn's anticipation had been building with every second that ticked by and he was nearly fidgeting in his seat as he waited for me to become fully aware of the situation._

 _His gaze dropped to where my hands had curled tightly, a bolt of exhilaration crossing his features. His eyes snapped back to mine. "Are you getting angry, sweetheart?"_

 _I clenched my teeth, refusing to answer as that endearment crawled beneath my skin. Even my small rebellion played into his hands, though – he preferred me quiet. Docile. Obedient. All the things I wasn't and had never been in my life. Why he had decided he wanted me I would never understand. If it was the challenge, then why drug me? Was it the power of knowing he had completely altered my personality? Of knowing that deep inside I hated him with a passion that had me dreaming about his death and ending this captivity? Of constantly bending me into compliance when he knew I wanted nothing more than to slice his throat? Whatever it was, it had carried him through an entire year of wrestling me into submission. The drugs. The beatings. The rape. The forceful correction of my 'misbehavior'. The bastard was the devil, I was convinced._

 _His eyes lit with satisfaction at my refusal to answer. He scooted to the edge of his chair, hands dropping to rub against his thick thighs in anticipation as his tone dropped to a sharp command. "Answer me."_

 _Something shifted inside me as soon as the words were spoken. A foreign compulsion built inside my chest until it expanded and pressed through every inch of my body. It clenched every single one of my muscles to bowstring taught until it forced my throat to open up and my lips to separate, words dragging unwillingly across my tongue. "Yes, I'm getting angry."_

 _Triumph raced across his features. "That's more like it. Consider that your last chance to tell me how you feel. I don't give a fuck what you think or feel, sweetheart. You're here for my entertainment so from now on you can keep that beautiful mouth silent. Now, stand up."_

 _I was on my feet before the command even processed. What the hell?!_

 _Vaughn slowly got his feet and stretched to his full height, towering above my five-foot frame. His gaze tripped down my body as if seeing me for the first time. I was in a simple t-shirt and jeans. He must've dressed me when I had been unconscious in preparation for his … company. I could almost see the calculated evaluation as he soaked me in with a fresh perspective. "Get your ass over here and kiss me, sweetheart. Kiss me like the goddamn whore I think you are."_

 _Fuck no. There was no fucking way I would – Panic started crawling up my throat as I moved woodenly toward him despite every instinct shouting in my mind to back away. I struggled against the compulsion weighing heavy in my chest but it was like trying to hold back a tidal wave with a bucket. I moved toward him until I was within reaching distance and stretched up on my tiptoes toward his mouth, unable to voice any of the furious threats that were shouting in my mind. What had he done to me? What had he and that dark cloaked freak done to me?!_

 _Vaughn didn't wait for my kiss to make contact. He grabbed a hold of my head and jerked me toward him, shoving his tongue into my open mouth. My muscles even refused to gag, opening freely beneath his onslaught. Every muscle was fighting me, fighting my instinctive desire to bite him, punch him, hit him – anything to push him away from me, out of my space. We had done this wicked dance before, but never had I been this coherent. The drugs had been but a taste of what this would be like, what being mentally present while physically unable to make a decision would do to me. I wasn't just unable to react, I was actively participating in this rape of my will._

 _My hands slipped up his chest and curled around the back of his neck, pressing my body up against his as I met his lust with persistence, his command not acknowledging my lack of skill or knowledge of how a whore would kiss. His thoughts controlled the command, his will manipulated the compulsion somehow as his meaty hands wrapped around my small waist and he pulled me even closer. He tilted his head back a bit, pulling against my hold on his neck as I tried to chase his mouth. His eyes were lit with lust and triumph and the sight sickened me to my core even as I fought to press my mouth back to his. "Stop kissing me."_

 _Immediately I dropped back down to my heels, staring up at him with my hands still curled around his collar._

 _"_ _God, this is addicting. You following my every command. The things I can do with you, sweetheart…" His words trailed off as he dove back into my mouth but I stood unresisting and unresponsive beneath the attack. He bit my lip, hard enough to draw blood. "Don't be a bitch, Arissa. Anytime I kiss you, you'll kiss me back like you enjoy it." He stared down at me and I glared at him, hoping that my eyes at least were conveying the all-encompassing hatred blazing in my veins. His gaze hardened and I knew he had gotten the message. "In fact, I'm tired of fucking an ice cold bitch. Anytime I touch you, your body is going to ready itself for me. I want you wet and aching for me at the smallest touch, understood?" His hand rose threateningly and my heart started to pound, horror rapidly turning to fear. He was going to destroy me. He was going to strip me of myself and leave nothing but a shell behind to exist in nothingness. I had to find a way to break this curse, I had to find a way out—_

 _His hand moved closer until just the tip of his pointer finger touched the end of my nose. A completely innocuous contact but it sent a shudder down my spine and my skin heated up, my body dampening for his invasion, an invasion every inch of me abhorred. A sick curl of satisfaction twisted across his thin lips and drew them into a sneer. "That's my girl. Oh, the things I'm going to do with you…"_

I reached a black Impala parked just down the street outside the local bar. The compulsive footsteps took me around to the passenger door before finally bringing me to a halt. I was left facing the vehicle as the rain pounded down, sliding beneath the collar of the stranger's leather jacket. Dean Winchester was slow to follow up behind me and dread curled deep inside my gut. He had just gotten a peek into the hell that was my life. Now my future rested in his hands.

* * *

I started pushing the edges of where I'm comfortable with how dark the flashback got but I really want to explore writing different styles and Ari has been tugging me into the depths of what she's been through. I would love to hear your feedback in all its many forms, even if it is to tell me you aren't as much a fan of this fic! Your feedback truly does guide me muse so speak to me, dear readers! I love to hear from you!


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